No Date, But Here's a Picture of My Dick!

           + 

      DOES NOT

      =

Dick Pix: Not what we want.

Contrary to popular belief, many women are STILL waiting for men to SIMPLY, yes I said simply....because it is that simple....to ask them out on a date.

I'm tired of the same ole excuse, which I refer to as the McFly Complex, "I just, can't, handle, that kind of REJECTION!"

That is what I've have heard time and time again. They "can't take it." We "don't know what it's like." They have "low self-esteem because of it." Bla, bla bla.

WELL! First of all, the male gender isn't the ONLY gender to face rejection. You wanna talk rejection? Women get turned down for jobs BECAUSE THEY'RE WOMEN! My friends and I get rejected all the time! One of my societal-standards-met-GORGEOUS friends was told by a guy who she approached, "Sorry, you're too short to ride this ride." Yet, more often than not, she has men 300-style dying at her feet.  

NEWS FLASH!!!!

Everyone incurs rejection -DAILY!

With that said, many people are now scratching their heads going, "Well, if she likes him, why doesn't SHE ask HIM on a date?"

Many reasons:

1) She may be just as afraid of rejection as you, dummy!

2) She may believe that chivalry still exists and part of what interests her in a partner is the outgoing attitude where HE courts HER.

3) She may not think he is interested in her and doesn't want to make the move because most guys then think she'll love/lust him forever, so she just doesn't bring it up because she knows there's no going back to normal after that and would rather have him in her life -not as a love interest- than not at all!

4) In the patriarchy that we live in enough women get the "she was asking for it!!!" argument so it's literally easier if we don't, because then a whole shit-storm of accusations for what may come about....well, comes about! 

5) If you're anything like me, if I show the SLIGHTEST interest in a guy he either moves across country and changes his name or starts planning our wedding. There is no, "Hm, yea, let's get to know each other!"    

     -God forbid people understand that you can say, "No, I don't like you like that, but we can still be friends" and move on. Many people just assume if someone likes them that they're CRAZY about them and cannot move on.

"Listen pal, I said I like ya, I didn't say you were 

the Romeo to my Juliet."

I mean shit, things don't work out I might be upset,

but there's no need to fake my death,

have you come-a-runnin back,

kill yourself because you think I'm dead,

then I kill myself FOR REAL because you

killed yourself because you thought I was dead....

 AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

*and if this DOES happen, THEN you can move across the country and change your name

You have my blessing.

Now, if you want to simply hook-up, fine, state that. Some girls might be down for that, but I'd still probably hold off on the dick pix for a few reasons:

1). In case you don't understand this concept -THAT IS A PICTURE 

                                                                         OF YOUR PENIS!!!

     She can show that to her friends, family, the guy she could be with at that moment, she could upload it to the internet and be all, "Hey, check out John's penis!" Come on man!

2). Seinfeld said it best:

It's from the episode "The Apology" and is on right now...so I figured I'd post it.

Elaine: "Whoa! Walking around naked? Ahh... that is not a good look for a
man."
George: "Why not? It's a good look for a woman."
Elaine: "Well, the female body is a... work of art. The male body is
utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a jeep."
Jerry: "So you don't think it's attractive?"
Elaine: "It's hideous. The hair, the... the lumpiness. It's simian."

3). Most women will give the picture this kind of reaction:

Don't get me wrong, I think "sexy" pictures are okay if you and your booty call are into that or if your relationship is like that, but I will tell you this, no penis picture has ever gotten me or a girl I know all "riled up." 

We've been like, "Yup, that's a penis." We either wanted to sleep with you before or didn't want to and STILL don't. We usually just sit around and make fun of every guy who's ever sent us a penis picture, whether we like him or not. 

The moral of this blog, please stop sending us

penis pictures in hopes of piquing our interests.

If you like us, ask us out ON A DATE!

None of this, "Let's go to a movie, I'm not sure if as friends or more

But we'll see if I can feel out this awkward situation and figure it out.

I've got an hour of an awkward dinner and an hour and a half of an awkward movie

to accomplish it in! Also we'll deal with the 'who's paying' awkwardness too.

This should be a fun night out!!"

Don't Date a Girl Who Reads....

I LOVED this!!!! Here's a snip-it, but read the rest from the link!!!

http://sean.terretta.com/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads-charles-warnke

"Do those things, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick."

Bitches Be Crazy

GIIIIIRL FIIIIIIGHT!

Of course this is all done now over the internet -which I'm not sure if it's better or worse. I think the most HILARIOUS thing about fights is when someone says, "Well, I'm sorry that YOU took what I said wrong!" or "I'm sorry that you're obviously sensitive!"

Um....I don't know where you learned to apologize, but that's not really an apology. 

An appropriate apology would be, "I'm sorry that 

what I said offended you or upset you."

Instead most girls just bitch to their friends, who will obviously back them up, no matter how "honest" they say they are -there are FEW people who will step up and tell their friend when they are in the wrong. And then you also have to wonder what the person is telling their friends and what they're not. It's amazing how two people can have a conversation with each other and walk away with COMPLETELY DIFFERENT stories. 

If someone takes something personally and is offended by it they get labeled "sensitive" and what's worse was the "attacker's" friends usually follow up with, "I think you were being nice!" and "Yea me too. She's just a pussy. Jesus, put your big girl pants on!" 

What's even WORSE is when someone, who barely knows you, who only knows of your life through FB posts starts "giving advice," in an extremely rude manner, on your Facebook page. ---And remember, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say, " If it didn't come off that way in your mind..." you should expect that person to take offense to the fact that you're insinuating that it's THEM taking EVERYTHING you say wrong.

Girls need to quit being needlessly hateful toward other girls -however, don't let bitches walk all over you and take advantage of you. But know the difference. Treat others as they deserve to be treated. Just remember who's your friend and who's your foe -and remember if you turn a friend into a foe, you'll probably never get them back. 

I don't want to be patronized by my friends, but I also don't want to be talked negatively and poorly to by someone who barely knows me and DAMN WELL doesn't know what's going on in my life or how my past life has been -they sure have NO PLACE in my future.

Corset Thursday!!!

Corset Compulsion

I've always wanted a corset. Don't ask me why. I've also wanted a bow and arrow and tarot cards, but corsets were more expensive than either of those and people look at me a little less weird trouncing around with my bow and arrow than if I were gallivanting about town in a corset. *Note that I said, a little less....

I know Spencer's had some "Sexy" type of sale where I bought my first few corsets, but I felt like they were a little cheap. However, they were what kick started my sexy-quest to find more along the same price line! I then found this AMAZING site called

Fashion Corset Shop (.com)

http://www.thefashioncorsetshop.com/fashion-corsets-overbust-underbust.html

I quickly began going through and picking out my favorites, but I was a little weary because I wasn't sure what size I'd be. I don't have huge boobs, a little on the smaller side, but not "small" per say. I have some wicked lovehandles for how "little" I am and I've gained more of a stomach since I took on 7 classes and have been dual enrolled at a community college and a university. Needless to say I was unsure about my proportions! And, some corsets only hook in the front or the back or some tie in the front or tie in the back -OR BOTH!!! Oh, and I have one that zips. 

Corsets were so much more complicated than I expected them to be -and it's harder when you're shopping online!!!

These were a few of the ones I instantly LOVED!

This one for instance, would totally be part of my costume if I were to ever become an evil villain. Not saying I'm not close to it, but if I were ever required to register as an evil villain or something I'd trounce about town with this as my top. Bottom pending. Probably some black leather pants and knee-high black boots....hair in a pony tail. Not sure if I'd want a mask or not. I'm sure everyone would know it's me once a mean, sarcastic, witty comment poured outta my mouth.....

 I totally bought this one. LOVE it! But what sucked was I was having trouble trying to get the tie in the back the right tightness while hooking it in the front on my own. 

DO NOT CORSET ALONE!!!

It was a long process of trial and error and at one point I was really worried that I was going to end up asphyxiating and dying, with my roommate having to find me passed out, all sexy-like, on my bed. 

That would've been a fun headline to come up with for the news:

Girl Found Asphyxiated in Corset by Roommate

Hottest Death In the QC

Do Not Corset Alone

Corsets: Sexy or Dangerous?

Corsets: Stimulating or Murderous?

Feel free to create your own!!

I also bought one like this, but in green, because it looked very saloon-girl from the old west. 

Love me some corsets!!! But I bought most of these when I didn't have a boyfriend (which is like, always) nor was I really dating anyone....I think I'd just stopped dating someone at that point so I figured I was going to have to come up with a "Corset Thursday" or something so I could feel like I received my monies worth!

CORSET THURSDAY!

STOP ON BY!

Thou Hast Internet Again!!!!

Whoo!!! I'm back, bitches!!!!
On that note, I have not a clue why I always refer to everyone as bitches (men included), but I envision it to be like how Lady Gaga refers to people as her "little monsters" -or was it just monsters?? I don't know.

Well! I have a load (no sexual innuendo intended, but hey, it happens) of things to blog about. Why haven't I been blogging as things happened and just upload them now? I thought about it, but it's just not the same....it's really not.

Prepare yourself for all of my thoughts and feelings and rantings and ravings!!! -Again.

Joel at 6am! SWEET!

"If you said goodbye to me tonight 

there would still be music to write." 

Billy Joel

     Oh Billy Joel, how you remind me that the world doesn't stop if something ends! At least that's what I'm taking from it!!

     I try to take something from everything that I can. Like when a friend lies to me, I get cheated on, or I get a promotion out of seemingly nowhere, and so on. I took my relationship with Bob ending and I turned it into a an idea for a modern version of a classic work. I even took his love for his daughter and turned it into a children's book. What can I say, I use what I'm given and I try to make something of it. -Otherwise it just sucks!! lol 

     I mean, come on, I even took my own issues with body image and what I'd learned in class and turned it into a social movement and webpage which I've now made into an organization that people are already asking if I have internships for! 

     Or....maybe....I just love that song. OoooWhoooOooOooo!!! =)

I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means....

"...vulcanization (a process of treating rubber with sulfur to improve it's chemical characteristics) was developed...." 

     When I read "vulcanization" in this article for my research paper I totally didn't expect it to go this way. Yes, the article was about how rubber was a huge "craze" in the UK and such, but I guess when I read  "vulcanization" my mind will always automatically go to Spock. Now all I can picture is this:

     It's going to be insanely difficult to get through the rest of this article and not snicker while I type up my paper. 

Not now dominatrix Spock! I'm studying!!!

Live long and prosper.

I don't usually "country," buuuuut....

"'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together

Even when you fall apart

But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart"

"Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation

Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make

My mama came from a softer generation

Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face"

Miranda Lambert
Mama's Broken Heart

Defect

Everyone has the propensity to be an asshole....

     Everyone has the propensity to be an asshole, you just need to know when and how much of one to be! ---Just some Stephanie Words of Wisdom! YOU'RE WELCOME!!!

                                        *This also applies to bitches, but not douches. Don't be a douche. 


     I love how many people refuse to admit that they're an asshole or a bitch, because so many people want to think they're nice and humble and a little slice of Heaven. -Yes, you'll have guys and girls straight claim to be an asshole or a bitch, but they're usually doing it to get people to tell them they're not. However, you may stumble upon the rare true asshole or bitch who knows they're one and act the part. I don't know how these people live for so long without pissing someone off enough to hit them with a car, but it does happen. Maybe I'll do a case study on it and report back to ya later!

   Just don't take it too far, because being a bitch or an asshole is the last step into becoming a douche -and douches DO get hit by cars....because they're douches.

Problems Into Porn!

Maintenance is coming to fix my running water in my shower. -And let the porno be born! Wtf do you guys do at 4:30 am? I turn problems into porn!

     I can't help it...it's finally driving me bat-shit crazy. But I am such a procrastinator. My tub has been leaking slowly and it's now turned into constant running water. It only annoys me that while I'm trying to take a relaxing bath because it never stops running.

     No, I can drown out the noise, it's the continual SCALDING HOT water running from it that sucks. not only do I have to keep my feet away from that specific spot otherwise I scald myself, but also the water gets hotter and hotter and hotter -and I already take scalding hot baths, but this is ridiculous!

     So yes, one of my many talents is taking something mundane and turning it into off-the-wall hilarity! I can't just be boring and say, "My tub is leaking and someone's coming to fix it. Yay!" I have to say shit like, "Maintenance is coming to fix my running water in my shower. -And let the porno be born! Wtf do you guys do at 4:30 am? I turn problems into porn!"


.....you're welcome world.

Misconceptions About Me #523

I like how people at work think I'm constantly hungover...that's happened twice since I've worked there.
98% of the time I look like I hate the world and like shit bc I've been up all night studying and FBing about it. I'm not THAT cool!

My manger would always text me and ask me if I was out. I think he figured out I was pretty nerdy when I was like, "Um, even if I had a free night I'd probably stay home and watch Invader Zim or read."

At that, I really need to rewatch The IT Crowd and The Guild....need more of that in my life! And start on the 30 books I've purchased recently....wait, no. I need to wait till my 7 classes are done for the semester!!! Ugh! School. When will I be able to read for pleasure?!

Actually, I really like all of the stuff I have to read. It's just those pesky deadlines which kill me....and that whole work thing. And friends thing....

I need to go all Multiplicity style and create multiple me's so I can do all that I want to since apparently I'm a weak human and need sleep! Stupid sleep!!!

Nerds = LOVE!

     I'm a nerd. I like nerdy guys. Smart, witty, grammatically correct....glasses. Yea. Yup. That's what gets me goin'. The Leonard Hofstadter's of the world....

     Maybe I should start playing some D&D to find my future husband! Or is there a nerd dating site? Hotnerds.com? BigBangYourTheory.net?

I've come a long way from that cheerleadery-type to who I am now. Although, back then my friends and I passed our time playing N64 and watching the X-Files and writing X-File scripts and such, so really, I think I've just suppressed how nerdy I've always been until college.

LET THE NERD FLOW!!!!
or.....
The nerd is strong with this one!

Mmmm, Leonard. Hot. Marry me?? Our babies would be smart and sexy as fuck!

New Personal Trainers in the QC!!!

QuadCitiesFitness

Quad Cities Fitness is new in town and I just met Blake and Caitlyn and they seem GREAT!!! I've always been intimidated by personal trainers and generally hate gyms because I feel like everyone is judging me. These two will even come to your house if you need them to or you can do the online option. They also have couple and group trainings as well for the same price! They are avail 24/7 and will help you create a "diet" which let's you eat foods you like, but they'll tell you when it's best to eat certain foods and what foods to focus on without cutting out everything you love!

They are GREAT! If you have 30 minutes TWICE a week to spare they will help you get where you want to be! -No, they're not going to transform you into Mrs. Schwarzenegger (unless you want that), but they will help you tone your body and work with your diet helping you figure out what foods (that you already like) are best to be eaten at certain times of day and in moderation. They are also avail 24/7! With locations in Davenport and Bettendorf the training is PERSONALIZED so you don't have to worry about crowded, intimidating gyms with someone yelling at you to do 5 more!! Or having tons of people seemingly judge you while you get fit! There is also an online option which is REALLY COOL and sounds SUPER manageable for ppl with busy schedules in the QC!

They will be at the 3/23 Steeplegate meeting if you want to meet them and giving away some training sessions and answering any questions you have! Quad Cities Fitness is Personalized and Privatized with trainers who want to help you get where you want to be! -Also you can go as a couple or a group for the same rates -Talk to them and ask about it!!

I'm super excited about it!!! Darn taking 7 classes this semester!!! I don't have 30 min twice a week for fitness -BUUUUUT I'm totally psyched to hear how I can eat better with eating foods I already like!! Come to the Steeplegate and ask 'em any questions you have!!

(If I got anything wrong, I apologize! This is what I took from our super long, great conversation!!)

Did You SHOW Her She Was The Only One For You or Did You Just Tell Her In Passing?

     I am SO sick of guys saying, "I liked you SOOO much, bla, bla, bla, bla, BLA!" But they did nothing! NOTHING! Do you know how many guys SAY they like a girl? Say they'll do ANYTHING? SAY if you just give me a chance...

     I have given guys chances and they've been like, "Oh....yea, about that....um, nevermind. Bye." I've given guys chances and they've kissed my feet and treat me like a queen. -What's the problem with that? I want someone to love me and someone to love, not someone who's going to worship me before they really know me. I want fans (of my books) for that. I want someone to fall in love with. Not someone who's already head over heels in love with me waiting for me to get there with them.

    Do you know how many guys I deal with CONSTANTLY who ask me to give them a chance. Who say, "Just tell me what to do!" I have guys at work constantly asking me, "When are you going to let me take you out?" While saying that to many other girls. If a guy REALLY likes me he'll find a way to prove it instead of just suggesting that we should hang out or that he wants to take me out.

     Do something that sets you apart from all of the rest. Be the one who doesn't let me fall. Do something that no one else has. Don't give up. I know they're movies, but that shit works....Be Noah and jump on the Ferris Wheel and say you won't get down until she says she'll go on a date with you. Send her flowers every day at work till she says she'll go out with you. HAND-write her a letter telling her just exactly how you feel about her. Leave a note on her car with a rose. If she tells you she love 50's music, then buy a cd and play it and dance with her. DO SOMETHING!!!

     Don't just say, "I really like you and we should date and you should give me a chance." Natalie Portman's character, Alice, in Closer said it best,

"Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. 

I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words."

___________________________________________

If you like a girl to where you're on the verge of loving her, then maybe you should do something more about it than just telling her you like her and want to date her and letting her slip through your fingers....just a suggestion!

Bang OR Hang!!!

Hanging does NOT mean banging!!!

                                 *not in this girl's book!

     Frank asked me, "How many guys do you hang out with that you aren't interested in?" (or want to bang, or "like," or something like that....) in trying to make a point. I answered him with, "Um, pretty much all of them...."

    He was trying to make a point that clearly this girl was hanging out with this guy because she wants him. Which is probably true of most people -now that I think about it; unless they've already been friend-zoned. And many of those in the friend-zone are patiently waiting for the person to crack and go, "FINE! I'll give you a chance! Jesus!"

     But me....me, I'll avoid you like the plague if I like you. I currently have a crush on two guys and my friend said to me (in regard to one of them), "Just send him a message and ask if he wants to hang out!" I was like, "God no!! I'll just suffer in silence....from afar....looking at his beautiful, beautiful face...wishing he were mine." I'm that girl who needs her friends to push her into a guy. Plus I haven't had great luck with guys I've had to chase. I prefer to have them chase me!

     Maybe this is how I get myself into so much trouble. I just don't think or act like most people. If I hang out with you, I want to hang out with you -not bang you. If I want to bang you -you WILL know I want to bang you. Probably because I'll be like, "Soooo, you wanna come over and bang?"
     No bang-hanging here. If I wanna bang, we're going to bang -not hang. One or the other!! Guess I need to preface this from now on....

Bang Buddies and NOT Hang Buddies

     I don't know about you, but when I'm upset I do NOT want to talk to my bang-buddy about my boy problems; unless he's the problem. I just don't want to bang is all! You don't have to try and be my friend and listen to me or be there for me. No. Just DON'T be there for me -is how you can "be there for me." I just need to not bang for awhile until I get my "mojo" back. Don't make me be all:

     Listen Bang Buddy, I don't want to talk to you when I'm upset -that's what my FRIENDS are for. Your sole purpose is for banging. But you're going to have to understand that I also don't want to bang when I'm upset. 
     We can happy bang, angry bang, excited bang, sexually frustrated bang, celebratory bang, sleepy bang...and probably many other kinds of bang -bang. But I do NOT wanna bang when I'm upset!! Just leave me the F alone."

(Please feel free to add to my list of appropriate times to bang.)

• Hungry bang, Arbor Day bang, Birthday bang, daylight savings time bang, stuck in an elevator bang, commercial break bang, Super Bowl halftime show sucks bang.....

  
  
•  I LOVED Arbor Day Bang!! And when you fall back you can use that hour to BANG!! Ingenious!!

New Tattoos! By Jesse Diller -Meno's Ink

Harley Quinn Tatts

My Heart Is the Worst Kind of Weapon -Heart Tatt

 

How Do You Tip?

Oh!!! Oh!!!! Is my blood BOILING?!

So....I saw this posted by a friend so I decided to share it on my Facebook. Of course all of my friends loved it and such because most either are servers or were servers or at least appreciate the hard work that servers do and understand that their money literally is in their customers hands.

Friend's Post:

Those who know me know how I truly feel about this. If you're making $2.13 an hour.... get a better job. Plain and simple. That is the sole reason I have never, nor will I ever, work in food. I know I can do better. Don't get me wrong, if you do a great job, I'm gonna tip you. However, I will never tip you more $5. If I planned on spending an extra $5, I would order desert.

My Response:

Whaaaaaaaat??? Are you kidding me?? I got a $10 tip and a $20 tip tonight!!! I make WAY more money in restaurants than I EVER did in retail! It's like commission, but YOU decide how much they get instead of the company. Remind me not to wait on you!

Random [Friend's] Chick's Response:

That's such bs. Servers usually get minimum wage plus tips. You're not going to pay out of pocket if you don't get tipped. What a whiny little shit.

My Response: 

If someone doesn't tip then that server has to take money out of their other tips to cover the tip share. Most tip shares go off of sales, NOT what you were tipped.

I think I've gotten [anywhere from] $3.09-$5.00 or $6 [at] most serving places

Whoo! I get $4.35 at my current job FYI

Random [Friend's] Guy's Response: 

if u work for $2 an hr ur fucking stupid. Plain and simple. If u bitch about it in a news article, get a life and do MY job in retail and actually have a decent good time. Even if JUST ur coworkers r the reason ur day is a good day /end rant

My Response: 

I DID your job and I make BANK in 1/2 the time of BBY and I LOVE my coworkers and boss (minus one, but we all have one....) -Even with the $$ when I was a sup. When you're an exec. at a company THEN you can talk. Do NOT act like retail is hard! I bled it for 7 years!

Then of course my friend's response who has not waited tables, but HAS worked retail and understands what it's like for BOTH jobs:

"They need a hot iron to their face." 

Now THAT sounds like a Stephanie-Solution right there!! (j/k) 

What Peter Griffin-style grinds my gears is when people make serving sound like someone's a bum washing people's windows at stop lights begging for change. 

Oh, I'm so sorry that I don't work in the high class of RETAIL anymore! I need a "real [fucking] job" again! -No wait, I make dbl the money in 1/2 the time! Have fun dealing with just as much shit as me for twice as long and 1/2 the pay! 

I think what bothers me the most is that these people were talking DOWN about servers when they work RETAIL! Like they're so damn high and mighty. -ohhhh, how far I've fallen from the great and wondrous RETAIL life! I was once on top of the world and now I'm a lowly server! How ever can I get back on top of the world again with the kings and queens of Real Jobs??

Sheldon vs. Halle Berry

     I'm sorry, but this is ALL I could think while looking at Halle Berry allllllll Oscars night! I was driving me banana sandwich. -And of course I choose Sheldon. 

     -A special thanks goes to Whitney for making this for me!! xoxo

My Paper on Fight Club..

     My paper on Aristotle and Plato's views on the book Fight Club was used as an example of how to write an A paper for my upper level English class. 
     -I raised my hand and said, "Um, the first rule about my paper is you do not talk about my paper." 

     Someone asked me if that was also the second rule about my paper, to which I replied, "I'd love to answer that, but I'm not allowed to talk about it."=)

Oh Yea, This is What I Look Like, Btw!