Bob's Way or the Highway

Looks Like I'm Hitching

So last night Bob called me and we had it out. Basically what I took from the call was that the first time around I wasn't loving and reassuring enough. This time around I was to much. His deciding factor in ending it and then getting into a relationship with someone else was that he didn't talk to either of us while seeing us and she left him alone for the entire two weeks. I on the other hand texted him or called him every 2-3 days telling him I missed him and it was hard on me because I missed him etc. Then after he texted me ONCE 5 days after not saying A WORD to me he didn't speak to me for a week and two days after that. But I see that he's checking in out of town at a movie and dinner. Then I see he's out with his friends, then I see he's checking in at dinner again. And he doesn't text me once? No, "I miss you too!" No, "I can't wait for this two weeks to be over so I can wrap my arms around you!" No, "I can't wait to see you in that new outfit!" 

Nope.

Apparently for relationships, it's what Bob wants, what Bob needs, how Bob wants it. And that's just the way it is. I wasn't there enough and then I was too much. Most people would worry if the guy they were seeing wasn't talking to them, but obviously doing other things or going other places, but it was wrong for me to do so. I was to just sit in my little corner like a good girl, cutting off all communication with him for a week and not give a fuck. Then after that two weeks Bob might pick me up and play with me and give me some love and attention and reassurance. ---I'm so glad that he lives in a world where people have to do EXACTLY as he wants and he has to do nothing that he doesn't want to. 

Yes, he understands that the shoe is on the other foot and he feels bad about how it's all played out. But I think the thing that he's missing is that a relationship is a two way street. It's not just, "Do as Bob says and get rewarded." It's about making it work between TWO people. I'm glad he found someone who doesn't give A SHIT if he talks to her for 2 days to a week and is TOTALLY okay with that. But I'm sorry, I want to talk to the person I'm seeing and tell them I miss them and call them when I have exciting or bummed out news. I want to text the person I like and tell them I miss them and not have them go, "Ugh, why the fuck is she texting me!! What is her problem! I told her I'm busy. I don't have time for her to miss me. Why can't she just find something else to do till I have time for her!"

God, what a terrible person I am. At least I know now that it would have always been like this. I got in trouble for telling him how I felt. If what I was feeling was different than what he had explained to me I got in trouble. "Well I said this.....so I don't know why you're taking it like this...." Um, maybe because I have feelings and people lie and people hide things and people only care about themselves. 

I tried. I tried SO hard to give him what I thought he wanted. But in the end I found out that that's what the problem was. It was always about what HE wanted and anything that I wanted was a hassle, an annoyance, a bother. 

I guess I'll just go sit in my corner and start collecting dust.